Virtual Adept

((Sung to the tune of Rockstar, by Nickelback.))

I’m through with standin’ in line
for game systems I’ll never get
It’s like being corpse camped
and I’m never gonna win
this toon hasn’t turned out
quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a PS3, 360 and Wii
my own episode on RvB
And a bathroom I can play WoW in
And a big ass TV big enough
for Mellen to see
–(So what you need)–

I need a a credit card that’s got no limit
And a big ass pipe to the internets
Gonna join the uber clans change my
name to something like Fatal1ty
–(Been there done that)–

I want a gaming rig with quad-SLI
My own web page on GameSpot
Somewhere between Meier and
Miyamoto is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even take a bath and change my name

[CHORUS]
‘Cause we all just wanna be a gaming god and
Live in convention rooms driving rental cars
The girls never show but the Dew comes cheap
We’ll all stay skinny (maybe in our dreams)
And we’ll hang out in online bars
in Azeroth with the DKP stars
Every good gold farmer’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Night Elf hunter
With her long purple hair
And we’ll…

Hey, hey, I wanna be a gamer god
Hey, hey, I wanna be a gamer god

I wanna be great like Wright before EA
Hire prostitutes that love to love on geek
Sign a couple autographs
So I can get my hardware for free
–(I’ll have the gf8800, ha-ha)–

I’m gonna dress my ass
with last week’s dirty pair
Get a front door key to the Carmack mansion
Gonna date a ‘centerfold’ that loves to
stare back from the screen at me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even take a bath
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be gamer gods
And live in online worlds riding chocobos
The drops come seldom and the lewt ain’t cheap
we’ll all stay cranky cuz we just won’t sleep
And we’ll hang out in Second Life bars
in the VR worlds with fake movie stars
Every good gold farmer’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
wouldn’t even dare
And we’ll hide out in private chat rooms
With the latest gossip of
who’s cybering who
They’ll tell you anything
with that >:) smiley
Everybody’s got a
Pizza Hut on speed dial, well
Hey, hey, I wanna be a gaming god

I’m gonna play GTA
that offends the censors
Gonna pop my carts
in my DS maybe or
Get power-level service playing all my toons
Trade XBL saves to jack my ‘chievements up

Well we all just wanna be gaming gods
And live in TDU driving virtual cars
The girls never show, but the Dew is cheap
We’ll all stay crazy, God I need some sleep
And we’ll hang out at E3 or maybe GDC
in the VIP with the pro gamer stars
Every good game blogger’s
Gonna wind up there
Few Playboy bunny’s
hawking gamer wares
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest scoop of
who’s fraggin’ who
They’ll tell you anything
like “global launch”
Everybody’s got
GameStop on speed dial, well

Hey, hey, I wanna be a gamer god
Hey, hey, I wanna be a gamer god

A mouse pad any pedo could love.

Here is what happens when all your friends are World of Warcraft forum posters.

Weird Al loves da nerdy white boys.

Scatological arcade action.

Here is an online game guide for Bully.

Charging for cheats in Xbox 360 games wasn’t enough for EA, now they want to do it for the PC, too.

This page sums up some good info about the hearing for Jack Thompson’s contempt of court proceedings.

A humorous article about someone’s experiences trying to buy Rockstar’s Bully for PS2.

Here are some humorous links for you to enjoy.

AFK Gamer writes about the loonies in World of Warcraft.

New virtual-world travel agency. Okay I know this isn’t meant to be a joke but I find it funny.

A really funny satirical press release about a fictional Battlefield 2142 expansion pack.

 

 

Web-comic CTR-ALT-DEL has a good idea why Sony seems to keep putting their foot in their mouth all the time.

Last week there was a frickin’ hilarious episode on South Park about World of Warcraft. Google it. Watch it. It really is hilarious.

Aapparently the WoW fan(atic?)s have compiled a list of all the errors that South Park made with regard to WoW. Check out the list on Joystiq and laugh. If you knew more than five of these already, you officially have no life.

Sony finally admits it. There never really was a PS3.

Alex at These Damn Machines Are Killing Me has an interesting take on the FPS game for Playstation 2 and Xbox, Black. Ka-BOOM!

Sony’s big E3 Press Conference was today, watched it live via GameSpot. Several big pieces of news were announced today:

1. Sony’s new online service will feature micropayments ala Microsoft’s Live Marketplace.

2. Sony is launching the PS3 on November 17 with two versions: a 20gb HD version for $499, and a 60gb HD version for $599.

Edit: 20GB model MAY not have HDMI, wifi, or a memory card slot. Read the spec sheet carefully, it looks like the HD may not be the only difference.

3. Sony’s new controller looks exactly like their existing Dual Shock controllers for PS2, except these have some kind of gyro-sensor in them so that you can turn, rotate, tilt, lift, etc and the controller can sense these movements. Basically they are ripping off Nintendo’s Revolution/Wii controller here.

4. Final Fantasy XIII will be a Playstation 3 title and looks AMAZING!

Most of the game footage they showed was obviously pre-rendered cinematics, or at the very least, in-game cinematics but not actual gameplay footage. One demo, however, showed some very impressive actual-gameplay footage, called Resistance: Fall of Man. Basically it looks like a very well done first person shooter. Excellent graphics and the gameplay looked solid, but nothing terribly innovative from what I could tell.

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BoingBoing reports about a project to add a video game to urinals so that you try and pee on targets to score points. Hilarious. Kind of leaves the ladies out in the cold, though.